I don't know what's wrong with me today. It's really hard to describe. I'm tired, lethargic, anxious, and I feel really weird physically. Almost like I'm going to pass out at times. I've eaten breakfast and lunch so I don't think it's lack of food. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with the emotions that have surfaced as we've been trying to declutter and organize the house this weekend, but I feel like I'm having some kind of inner battle about that. MIL is somewhat of a hoarder so in this 3 bedroom split level house, we (me, BF, and DD with our King size bed, crib, changing table, couch, coffee table, TV, mini fridge and boxes of clothes because we have no dresser) all live in the 1 room basement level, which was probably designed to be a family room, while MIL has her bedroom upstairs and the other 2 bedrooms up there are full of boxes of crap and clutter (much like the picture to the right from an episode of Hoarders). It has driven me insane to know that we have no where to store any of our things and no bedroom for our daughter because MIL can't find time to go through and part with all of her junk. So, as much as possible we've been trying to amend this situation. Last week we helped her clear out one of the rooms completely. We moved everything into the living room (which was quite a sight to see; I took pictures) and then she moved it all into the other bedroom with the stuff that was already in there. She actually did make some progress in getting rid of some stuff as she went through to put it all away and we were able to claim one of the bedrooms for ourselves so that we have somewhere to keep our stuff too. Then this weekend, we cleaned out the garage and made a huge pile of old board games, sports balls, etc. to donate. The garage looks great!

The problem is, as we go through all of this stuff part of me wants to say throw it all away! But none of it is mine, so I really have no say in that. Then there's a part of me that is starting to see the value in all of this saved stuff. We've found odds & ends that she's saved thinking they'd be a good craft project: calendar photos from years past to be turned into placemats, curio cabinets to hang and display souvenirs, garage sale finds to give as gifts for friends' birthdays. We've found toys and games from BF & MIL's childhoods which are not only sentimental but also considered vintage and possibly worth money. We found Barbie sets from the 50s which are so cool, but in terrible condition. Then there's stuff like the football shaped toy chest that was full of old basketballs in the garage. BF was willing to part with it if he had to, but MIL said what she always says, "Don't you have a friend who could use that? I'd hate to just get rid of it." For some reason she has a problem with donating things that she thinks are worth money. As if people who get these things from Goodwill or whatever other charity that collects donations aren't worthy of something that's in good condition or has any value to it. So, MIL looked up the football online and found out it's going for $75 on Ebay. Well, that made me think it's something we should save whether we end up using it ourselves one day or selling it on Ebay. But then I want to kick myself because selling things on Ebay is not easy, so there's little chance we'll do that and when are we ever really going to use it ourselves? It would be cool as a beer cooler for game day, but we have a crappy TV in our living room. There's no chance we're having football parties here, so really when are we going to use it?

See...there's that internal struggle I'm having. Back and forth about wanting to declutter my life, but then at the same time starting to collect stuff for our future together. My tastes seem to be changing too. Before, I always liked more modern contemporary furniture and interior design, or at least the typical suburban house look with everything new. But now all of a sudden I'm liking a more vintage look. I find myself drawn to things that are old and have character or could be used to make something else. Maybe it's the whole "Reuse, Recycle, Refurbish" craze that's going around with shows like American Pickers digging up antiques and design shows always coming up with a new way to use old things, making it look so appealing. What freaks me out the most is that all of this makes me feel like I'm turning into my MIL. I keep finding more and more things that we have in common, despite the fact that we are so different, and it scares the shit out of me.