Clicking My Heels 3 Times

Last night I was crying my eyes out wishing I was at home in my bed with everything in its place and my cats in their usual spots. Instead I was in this new space, not my own, where I'll have to stay for a while until I get my finances in order. I hate being here. I miss my apartment. I'm so far away from work, and friends, and most importantly BF. Sometimes being near him is the only thing that will make me happy and how am I supposed to do that if I'm so far away? Ironically, a few minutes after I began crying last night, BF called just to see how I was doing and if I'd arrived safely. I had thought I was in store for a fit of sobbing to let out the built up emotions, but hearing his voice instantly put a smile on my face.

In addition to being out of my element, I hadn't taken my meds in a few days on account of running out of my prescription. It really sucks when that happens because I get so sensitive and emotional. Any little comment or facial expression someone gives me comes as a threat to my ego. I start to feel like I have so many problems and everyone else has it all together. I just wish I could start over and get it right the 2nd time around.

Mom Likes Him

Well, this weekend my mom, step-monster, brother, and brother's girlfriend all "met" BF. Since we've been friends for so long my brother already knows him pretty well from hanging out over the years, and BF's met them all before. But mom and Brother's GF haven't actually spent any time with him to get any type of impression. We all had a casual dinner Saturday and talked amongst ourselves. I was so excited for it because I really wanted them to see how great he is right off the bat and they did! Within the first 10 minutes, brother's GF said the same exact thing I said the first time I met BF, "I like this guy!"I'm not sure about my brother's opinion on him just yet because he's still skeptical of me dating someone already and of the fact that its another guy from the same group of friends. He jokingly said, "I hate him" and then laughed. But I said to him, "If you don't like him you have to tell me. That's important stuff! If you really didn't like him I'd want to know." So he said, "No I like him, I'll let you know if I don't. You don't have to worry." But I'm positive BF made a good impression on them. Mom told me the next day that she likes him a lot and I could even tell him that she does. She said, "he treats you very well and talks to you like a normal person." I'm not sure what that means exactly. Did ex-fiance talk to me like I was an alien or something? Well, I guess we did use weird voices when we talked to each other. It was like our own weird retarded language and we couldn't get out of the habit once we were in it. We had to remind each other "There are people around. Don't talk in the voice!" BF says that was the only thing ex & I had in common was that stupid little language we had. He's pretty right about that! All-in-all it was a pretty good meeting. In fact, I think the only bad impression made was the one BF got of the step-monster. I've tried not to bad mouth him to BF. I wanted him to form his own opinion. But after this weekend, there was just no contest. The man is a douche. That's all there is to it.

Poop

I hate pooping. Seriously! Guys always act like its a good time... like its a big relief for them. Maybe it is. But I really hate it. Its a pain in my ass--literally! Why can't everything come out in liquid form? It'd be a lot easier and cleaner. I know, this is probably the last thing anyone wants to hear about but its on my mind so TFB.

The End.

I've kissed a girl or 2 in my day...& liked it!

When I first heard this song I think I had a mixed reaction. Part of me was like, "yeah, so what? A lot of people have. Do you think you're being rebellious? Stop trying to draw attention to yourself." The other part of me was like..."YEAH! Rock on! Good for you. And...me too, I totally liked it! I'd probably like to kiss Katy Perry."

I miss the days of kissing girls. It was a good time. I haven't known girls who are into that for a while now. It kinda sucks. Its like I only know girls who are boring and reserved. I don't even know where to find friends who are more wild and outgoing. I know some, but they're all bar whores and I don't really want to associate with them anyway because they don't have minds of their own.

Listen to Katy Perry's chart topping single "I kissed a girl (and I liked it)" on last.fm

Post Secret Sundays

I don't know who sent this, but they hit it right on the nail.

Post Secret - June 22, 2008

A Common Misconception

It seems that everyone I know is under the misconception that I am one of those people who feels like they need to be in a relationship, and that's why I have a boyfriend already. Apparently, having broke up with my fiance and called off a wedding is circumstance for joining a convent. I just don't understand why my mother, cousin, brother, and now my dad have all said, "Maybe you should stay away from boys for a while." or "Do you think its a good idea to jump into a relationship so soon?" Hey, answer this for me... Who decided that there are rules for how long you wait after a breakup? Who put anyone--anyone--in charge of what I do with my love life? Ughh... it just makes me so mad to have everyone saying the same thing. Do I really have to justify it to everyone? He is my best friend people! I wouldn't be dating him if I thought he wasn't worth it. I want to be with him almost 24-7 because I enjoy his company, not because I can't stand to be on my own. ...My mom knows more about my situation currently, so she's gotten better about it. She seems to be happy for me because she sees how happy BF makes me. She hears me talk about how in tune BF and I are and she's ok with it. She even told me, "You're very lucky. Some people go years, even their whole lives, without finding love and you have it right in front of you."

Despite my desire to be with BF, I have this feeling like I should just do what everyone says and be by myself for a while. Is it for my own benefit? Or is it to pacify everyone else? Either way, I think in the coming months I will try to keep my distance from him and see what happens. How much you wanna bet it doesn't last more than 2 weeks? ;)

Better, sort of...

Ok, so I've worked out a few days since the last post. I've been eating a lot better and trying to at least walk every day if I can't workout. Oddly though, I think I've gained weight! I am almost up to my highest weight ever and I feel all jiggly, bloated, and ugly. Then a couple days ago I started feeling really sick with typical symptoms of a bladder infection. How do I know that's what it was? I get them all the time. I had one just a couple months ago! Its so annoying, so painful, and worst of all... I can't have sex. I meant to call my doctor yesterday but after taking OTC pills to suppress the symptoms, I got busy at work and forgot to call for an appointment. I think there's something wrong with me! I mean, how is it possible that I get these so often? I'm not dirty...I take showers frequently, really I do! This plus the fact that I feel extra bloated just worries me. Is there any reason I would be retaining water due to this infection? Who knows. I guess that's a question I'll have to ask my doctor when I get that appointment.