Dead End Jobs & Big Fat Budget Woes

As if I couldn't get enough stress right now... the last week or so has been insane trying to find a place to have our wedding that will be even remotely affordable. I wanted some place special, somewhere different from the usual European style Midwest banquet hall wedding--a castle, a small mansion, a restaurant with a view--some place that would stand out from the rest. But it turns out that we just aren't able to afford anything different. So much for my dreams and desires of having classy touches of high society into our day. No matter how hard I wish for it, I just can't escape the fact that I don't come from money, I don't have money, and at the rate I'm going... I won't ever be anything other than average.

Then today I stayed home from work. Why? Because I couldn't get my fat ass into any of my work pants!! Every time I've said I'm going to diet in the past 6 months I've cheated and blew the diet within the 1st 2 days. But, I don't get it. I weighed myself today and I'm at least 4 lbs less than my normal weight. How is it that I can't button my pants? So, staying home from work, I hoped I would be able to relax a little and be refreshed to go back to my job tomorrow, since I've been overworked and stressed out there as well. Instead, I spent the whole day looking for a new job and thinking about how much I hate my current one. I have no experience for any of the jobs I'm interested in applying to, and any time I read a job for an administrative position I cringe at the list of expectations and think, "No! I don't want to do this bullshit anymore!!" So, I constantly get stuck in the same predicament: hate my dead end job but can't do anything about it.

And on top of all that, my fiance comes home to see me here and the first thing he says is, "You could've at least cleaned the house if you're gonna stay home." Then after I do the dishes, a load of laundry, and try to straighten up the living room he says, "you didn't do shit. It looks the same as it did when I got home." Well, excuse me if I don't feel like vaccuming while you're watching TV. Why do you think I usually leave the cleaning up to him? Because he's a pain in the ass about it and he likes to do it his way.

This is just the kind of stress I need, you know? Everything piled on top of each other. I might as well just put some whip cream on my fat ass, top it with a cherry, and call it a day.