House Pest

I don't know if its the hormones or what but lately I am so annoyed by other people's habits. This is one of the main reasons I hate living at home. I can't stand walking around the house and noticing the way other people live. It just drives me crazy. My mom's husband in particular is the most annoying person to live with. He has to be around 60 years old and he sits there watching stupid TV shows or playing Play Station with the volume all the way up like you're in a damn movie theater, paying no mind to the fact that there are people in the kitchen that might be trying to have a conversation. Its a video game... do you really need to hear the gun shot sound effects at full volume?! And the other day he's watching TV which is obviously too loud because my mom and I are trying to talk and we both keep wincing toward the family room (which is connected to the kitchen with no wall in between). You would think that she would say something since she obviously thinks its too loud, too. But no, she just keeps talking and wincing. What the hell, woman? Check your man!! He is so fricken rude!

That's only the beginning of it. He sits in the family room watching TV every night after he gets home from work, waiting for my mom to make dinner and bring it to him in front of the TV. You can see the TV from the kitchen table, why doesn't she insist that he eat at the table with her? Arrrg! I could really go on and on about all the things I hate about him. But its just going to make me mad, so I'm stopping there.

Baby Brain

I think I'm getting that "baby brain" thing where the pregnancy affects your thought processes and memory. I know it was affecting me a lot during the first trimester but then I felt like it got better. Now I'm starting to feel it again. I remember at my last job, my friend was pregnant and she'd be super tired and unmotivated to work. Then another girl here at this job was pregnant at one point and she was making tons of mistakes. I've heard that the pregnancy can make you forgetful and make it hard to focus. What am I supposed to do about it though? I'm doing the best I can and then they call me out on mistakes and simple but important things that slip my mind. It's probably just another strike against me in the eyes of my employer. I can't wait to have this baby and find a new job.

Same Thing Different Pile

I am so bored at work that I'm trying to find anything to do to keep me busy. I've asked the other girls in the department if they have stuff for me to do and they have nothing. So, after being told in my review that I spend too much time on the internet, I end up back online to pass the time. Well, what else am I going to do, read a book?

I decided to update some of my other blogs and take a look at old posts. Well, that just led me back to my previous career interests in becoming a Wedding Planner, an Art Teacher, etc. I was so into those things at the time. I did the research, looked at schools, started planning... and then gave up. So, now I'm thinking that I'll never get anywhere because I always just come up with fantastic ideas that dead end shortly after. What's my problem? Why can't I just find my calling? There are so many things I could see myself doing, why can't I just pick one? Maybe I subconsiously sabottage myself. I can't get up enough confidence to actually take an idea and run with it. I've gotten partially there before. The wedding planning dream lasted a little while. I studied books on my own and everything. Then I go and call off my wedding and there goes all my dreams for making a career out of the thing that interests me most. I just feel like such a failure. I feel like the older I get, the less ambition I have and pretty soon I'm just going to end up giving up on everything and just working a stupid dead end job like the rest of these losers.

Sweet Brainstorming Again

So, the first of the year brings the desire to get things accomplished. I've been trying not to think too much about what I want to do with my life since I have so many other immediate things to worry about and when I do start to think about finding a career, it usually just upsets me. However, BF and I talked a little the other day and once again the idea came up of me owning my own bake shop. So, since our talk, that's all I can think about. Of all the things I've wanted to be this one hasn't been the most prominent but it still makes just as much sense as the others. I can see myself really getting into it. It combines my love of baking and art perfectly. I think I'm going to do a little research and see what I'd have to do to get into the business. I'm scared though...like I am with every career option I come up with. I have no experience, I'd probably have to go to school, I'd have to take a serious pay cut to get experience, what would people think of me randomly changing direction again? I guess its not like I'm really changing direction since all the other things were just ideas too.

2008 Recap

So, what happened this year? What was I focused on? Was I happy? Was it a good year?

Well, I thought I'd started off the year pretty focused on making myself happier. I broke off my engagement to FI and began a new romance with my Best Friend. I worked with my doctor to adjust my medication and wasn't feeling as depressed as I had been the year before. I was spending more time on hobbies that I enjoyed and trying to get some direction in life. I was extremely happy with BF and the way things were moving along sort of quickly but still in a somewhat smart and cautious way. Then the end of Summer comes and I get knocked up, sick, depressed, and pretty freaked out! Since then I've been doing pretty well. I have to admit, I think the pregnancy has really thrown a wrench in the works as far as the progress I felt I'd been making at the beginning of the year. I'm not who I want to be at all right now. But I just keep reminding myself that once I get through this and the baby comes, that will be my opportunity to get myself back on track. I definitely think I'm going to have to get back on my meds so I feel like myself again. Even with the meds I know I wouldn't feel completely normal again now because of all the physical changes I'm dealing with. So I'd like to try and do the whole pregnancy without them.

All in all... I think it was a pretty good year. I love BF and am looking forward to all the things we have yet to experience together. I'm excited to meet our baby girl!! I know everything is going to be a challenge but I am happy to be sharing it with him.

What do I want for next year?
A house of our own
A new and better job
Some sense of financial security
Time to dedicate to studying or practicing art/design
More Energy
More Happiness
Health for my loved ones

Miss You

I was starting to get a little sick of BF from all traveling to visit relatives and driving back and forth every week from my house to his. I was tired of being so busy all the time, so this week I decided to stay home instead of going to stay with him. He didn't like it at all. He wanted to see me and couldn't tell me enough that he missed me. Meanwhile, I was like..."eh, whatever. You'll see me again soon enough." But after having a weekend without him, I'm missing him again. It feels good. I can't wait to see him again and I hope we get to do some fun Christmasy things together.

Blogging Family Matters

Ok, so my uncle has been doing this microblog all year which he texts by phone to everyone each Friday. He lists family birthdays and events and current happenings. At first I was happy to get them because it helped me stay up to date with the family, until I realized the news was selective and didn't include everyone in the family. Apparently, nothing I do is ever worthy of making the blog. I've seen stupid details about everyone elses lives in there but never a mention of the life events I'm experiencing. When I moved back in with Mom he didn't put anything in there until I complained about not making the blog. But after that it was back to not mentioning me... or my mom for that matter who just started school again for her 4th degree. I think that's a blog worthy event. What's the deal? Are our lives not important? I announced my pregnancy 3 weeks ago and it still has not been mentioned in his blog. Yet this morning he made a special Monday blog announcing the engagement of a cousin's best friend...someone totally unrelated to us! What the hell? Is it because my pregnancy is out of wedlock? Is it because its with a boyfriend that nobody knows that well yet? Seriously, why can't we get any recognition?