Thursday, March 20, 2008

Making Myself Crazy

He's been gone for 9 days now, back in his home town again, but it feels like twice that. The time alone was nice at first but now I miss him so much. I'm going crazy inside my head battling the idea that I'm in love. I'm wondering if I should just break it off altogether because I just can't avoid getting into a serious relationship with him and that's not what I need right now. My anxiety doesn't help when I've got issues like that on my mind. Everything was fine when we couldn't be together, but now that we can it scares me. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes I've made so many times. I don't want to fall back into the same old habits.

Then, as soon as he calls and I hear his voice again, I am instantly calm... I don't feel crazy anymore. I just want to be happy in love and think about all the wonderful things we want to do together. Its so cute how he just wants to be a part of my life and he wants me to share in everything that brings him joy. That's what love is about... so why am I so afraid to be in love?

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