You Don't Settle

I've been thinking a lot about how I have such high expectations for the guy I'm with every time. But he never lives up to them. And that makes me worried. How can I expect so much from someone right off the bat? How can I expect so much from someone when I'm not even able to meet those expectations myself? I mean, I want a guy who has money and seems to be going somewhere with his life. But where am I? I don't have money. I'm still trying to pay off debts I got into several years ago! I never finished college, I don't know what I want to do with my life, and I barely have enough money to buy Christmas and birthday presents for anyone when those dates come up. So, how can I expect that some guy is going to come along and want to do things for me? I guess that's why I'm so comfortable with guys who aren't successful... because we're in the same place. But I'm not going to get anywhere that way. The only way I'm going to attract success is to be successful myself.

I think all of this stems from the comment I got from an old friend this weekend. He gave us a tour of his new house, told us about all the work and money he put into it, how he'd just bought his girlfriend a new car because "she deserved it", and how he loves her so much... then he turns to me and says, "I used to have a huge crush on you for so long!" I was thrown off by how random it was for him to say that. But then I thought... if a guy who is so good looking, succesful, caring, and seems to be the perfect guy had a genuine interest in me at one time, then maybe I do have a chance of finding the perfect guy. Maybe I should hold out until I find that opportunity and not let myself get wrapped up in feelings of love just to let them hide the reasons I shouldn't be with someone.

So...how does this effect my current "non-relationship" with my best friend? It scares me. I love and care for him so much and when I'm with him I am so happy. But I know that there are a lot of things on my list of expectations that he does not fit. My brain tells me that I should be strong and smart, making it clear to him that I can't be in a relationship until I am able to meet these expectations myself. I don't want to lose him, especially as a friend. But I have to be smart this time around. I have to remember that you don't settle when it comes to a guy.