NOT Related to Love

Wow, its been a while since I wrote about something unrelated to my lovelife. I guess I'm well overdue! So...

I just made a discovery! There is an amazing graffit artist out of Bristol, England who goes by the name Banksy. I've seen his artwork before and probably used the images here in my blog, having found them on google image searh and not knowing where they originated from. I'm very inspired by his work. It makes me want to be creative, expressive, and make a statement! Here are some examples of his work as they were intended... spray painted on concrete in the night just fast enough so not to get caught defacing public property.

"Cupid"

That night that he and I stayed up late for the superbowl, we talked about how we always have "our time"...no matter if I'm single or not. We have the camping trip we take with our friends on Memorial Day weekend. We always go together. FI only wanted to go one time and then never again. So, he said..."that's our time". Well, today I heard this song...

How many times must we go through this?
You've always been mine, woman i thought you knew this.
How many times must we go through this?
You'll always be mine, Cupid only misses sometimes.
But we could end up broken hearted.
If we don't remember why this all started,
And if they try to tell you love fades with time,
Tell them there's no such thing as time
It's our time.

--Jack Johnson, Cupid

Doubts & Logic

I was thinking about the things I've always wanted in a man and realized, "I can't be with him. He'll never fit into that description of what I want." I want a guy...

Who's going to sweep me off my feet.
Who likes all the music I like and sings to me.
Who buys me stuff and sends me roses at work.
Who can't get enough of me. (well, he's got that one down so far.)
Who takes me out on real dates no matter how long we've been together.

Who appreciates a little old school when it comes to taking a girl out... TGIFridays and a movie are ok, but if you really want to impress me you better be dressing sharp, showing up with flowers, and making a reservation for dinner because that's the way to court a lady.

Who makes me feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. (No...not like a hooker! Girls know what I'm talking about... like you've gone from rags to riches...more like Cinderella.)

Who will watch The Notebook with me.
Who wants to try new things with me.
Who likes to do the things I like to do.
Who sends me sweet text messages.
Who knows how to keep me happy.
Who wants to slow dance with me.
Who wants to travel together.
Who wants to cook for me.

The list goes on... I'm sure there are a lot of things on the list that he does fit into. But what about the rest? Do I just forget about the rest if the love is strong enough? Sometimes I think I'll never find the one who fits my perfect description. Its understandable...that's a lot to expect. But I'm a dreamer. I should be able to have exactly what I want now and then learn to love the rest later, right? While I'm young I should have passion and an amazing relationship. Its funny how I am constantly changing this list of what I want. I have lists from several years ago with my last boyfriend, and then with my fiance... I found this website that makes fun of that. It totally reminded me of myself. I think if I include all the things on that list now, I should be able to find someone who will last. haha..

I Got It Like That!

He always tells me the weirdest stuff... I knew that this new girl, "Winnie", was coming over to his house last night and I didn't care. We had some quality time and it was all good. I'm not threatened by her anymore at all.

So just now he calls and tells me that she stayed over until 3:00am and as much as she tried to turn him on, he couldn't perform. Hahahahahaha.... oh, this is just fantastic... the best laugh I've had all day. So... he tells me that I am the only one who can turn him on from across the room every time... even when I called him from the corner of his block yesterday to help me get my car out of the snow! He said that just looking at me from his bedroom window turned him on.

I don't know what it is about knowing you can do that to someone... but it is fantastic! Ha!

So Smitten..

*Sighhhh*..... I am so incredibly smitten right now. I have butterflies!! Yesterday he and I talked for a long time about our feelings for each other and what we wanted as far as being together. I can't believe how one afternoon of talking, kissing, and staring at each other can make my feelings that much stronger. I feel so much better now that we really talked. He's crazy about me! ...just as crazy as I am about him and it feels so good. I got so much off my chest, too. I told him how he makes me insanely jealous with the other girls, but that if he wants to have a relationship with one of them then he should and I'll back off and respect that because he deserves to have a girlfriend. After all, I've been in a relationship the whole time he's known me and he's been the one who's single and wanted to be with me. So, it kinda makes sense. His response to that was... "I have a feeling if I start a relationship with this girl, its not going to be fair--I really care about her--but as soon as you're single I know I'm going to leave her to be with you." We also talked about how great we are together... how we absolutely love hanging out with each other, and neither one of us has ever met anyone who kisses better--which we both agreed is extremely important because kissing is a key factor. He told me I'm the coolest person he knows... which is funny because he's constantly picking on me for the dorky stuff I do and calling me lame.

I know I am in way too deep now but what can I do about it? I'm head over heels for him. I just want to scream it from the rooftops... I'm in love with my best friend!!!!

Lifting the Gloom

Its been so gloomy out the last 2 days. The grey skies make me feel like life is not real. Its weird. This afternoon I was starting to get into a slump. But then I sat and chatted with a girl at work and I began to feel better. I don't know if it was my meds finally kicking back in (after taking only 1/2 of what I should've on Sat. and none yesterday) or just the interaction with someone instead of moping by myself... but its always nice when the gloom begins to go away.

I think I am going to seek counseling for all this drama I'm putting myself through. I got the number of someone from a friend of mine. She seems to like the counselor she's seeing. As soon as I can get my new insurance card I'm making an appointment. Its probably much needed if I'm feeling like the only thing that can relieve my stress these days is to smoke pot by myself.

Mad Love

So much for chilling out for a while... for some reason I was a total rockstar this weekend. I spent all night Friday getting f*cked up with him...drinking and doing lines until 8 am. That's something I rarely ever do anymore. In fact, I scold all my friends for it when they do it. But I guess I just wanted to stay up with him and do whatever he wanted to do because I hadn't spent any time with him alone in 2 weeks. So, we did that and then went back to his house in the morning where we could finally have each other. We talked a lot in the morning and I stayed there in bed with him until 3:00pm. You don't realize its already afternoon when you don't come home till 8 in the morning! A talk had been long overdue for us, but it wasn't as serious as it should've been. Basically what we both admitted was that we want to be together, and if it was possible--I wasn't engaged, he wasn't trying to date people--then we could definitely see us being together. He also admitted that he really is in love with me. I didn't tell him I was...but I think its obvious. I think I'm in love... what else could make me act so crazy all the time?

Sunday was the Superbowl, and I usually don't drink a lot for that because I always have to work the next day. But he was there and FI had decided to go elsewhere for the game. So, when people started leaving our friend's house afterwards, he and I just kept drinking. We ended up passing out on the floor together. I woke up just in time to call in sick to work and go back to sleep. I stayed there most of the day with him... I called in sick to work because I had been an irresponsible drunk the night before... all so I could be with him again. I'm so out of control right now. I need to get ahold of myself.