Missing You Already

He went out of town today for the weekend. He'll be back on Wednesday, but I find myself missing him already. I thought after the other day that seeing him more would make me less interested. But I saw him almost every day this week and I can't wait to see him again! I love spending time with him...laughing, cuddling, talking, kissing, and everything else. He makes me feel joy and happiness... Yesterday I saw a beautiful sunset sky and all I wanted to do was take a picture of so I could share that with him. I want him to share in my joy every time I feel it. I want him to experience every happiness that I do.

Don't Be So Sensitive

For the past couple weeks he has been almost a different person. I can tell he's let his guard down completly now and he's comfortable to act any way he wants around me. He calls me almost every day, he tells me constantly how he feels about me, he stares deeply into my eyes without saying a word, and he wants me to be with him all the time. He's shown me that he's just as big of a dork as I am. Its wonderful... but at the same time a little daunting. I have never seen this side of him before. When we were seeing each other last time, about two and a half years ago, he started to show me his sensitive, caring side and it freaked me out. I was like, "Who is this? This is not the guy I know. This is not my 'boy'... the hard assed sarcastic friend I chill with." And it kind of scared me away. But I can't let it scare me away this time because I really care about him and if I do ever want to have a future with him I'll have to know, love, and accept all sides of him. I just know that he doesn't let many people in like he lets me in to see his sensitive side. It feels nice...but weird. It also takes away a little of the excitement. I guess I liked the thrill of the chase. As much as he drove me crazy, I think I liked not knowing he was mine... and having to hold myself back from calling him. I've been trying to do that lately, but he calls before I even have a chance to test myself. I suppose I could not answer... but I figure that would just be dumb. Its so backwards... it seems to be that when he ignores me I want him more than ever and vice versa. I kind of want him to be that hardass that I always knew, but still give me all the attention he gives me. Of course, isn't it always the case that you want what you can't have?

A Lot Like Love

For a movie that made me think of him the moment I saw the first TV preview for it in 2005, A Lot Like Love was WACK! I thought it was going to be about best friends who eventually fall in love. Well, I guess that was the plot. But it was totally not like I expected. It wasn't even that good. I found myself laughing at things in the beginning that weren't even funny. But I was the only one laughing. He wasn't amused at all. I could even tell in the beginning of the movie that it was going to be lame. It seemed to be moving so slow. Total letdown. Thumbs down for Ashton Kutcher on this one.

How to Be Romantic

I guess its another blogeriffic day, seeing as how I'm on my 3rd one! I thought I'd specify what I consider to be romantic and what my perfect date would me. Looks like I'm not the first one to think guys need instructions on these things...
How to Take a Girl on a Perfect Date
Guide to a Perfect Date
Cheat Sheet For The Perfect Date
Best ideas for your perfect date
So, what do I think is important? Do your research! Even if a guy admits to getting all his ideas off the internet or a movie, at least he put in the time and effort of finding out what it takes to impress me. Find out what I like! Flowers, chocolates, candles... I love the city; take me to a restaurant you found on Metromix. Pay attention to details! Yes, candles will set the mood. But take a minute to pick out special candles when you're at the store. Don't just get some 99 cent jar candles that smell like wax. Go for a scent that will have a euphoric effect like Jasmine-Ylang Ylang is said to have. But don't use these candles on the dinner table... you don't want the smell to be overpowering. When in doubt, do your best to reacreate any romantic scene from a favorite movie. You can't fail with that... well, unless you do it half assed I guess.

Awesome Romantic Ideas:
nzgirl - Top 10 Most Romantic Movie Scenes
Most Romantic Movie Scene
Top Romantic Movies

Some of my favorite romantic movies:
50 first Dates, Sweet Home Alabama, The Wedding Singer, Chocolat, Say Anything, Moulin Rouge, Pretty Woman, Armageddon, Ever After, Jerry Maguire, Romeo + Juliet, French Kiss, 40 Days and 40 Nights, Spanglish, Mr. Deeds, Fools Rush In... I suppose I could go on forever with this...can you tell its my favorite type of movie?

Already picturing it! Why?

I was making mental notes this weekend of things that I thought I should discuss in my next counseling session. One of those things is my obsession with weddings. I'm trying really hard not to think about weddings anymore and to find another career interest. I even thought of collecting all my wedding magazines and stuff, taking them out to a field and burning them... like a ritual to release all my past obsessions. But I already find myself picturing my future wedding... not the one I'd been planning with my fiance, but the wedding I'll have when I really find "the one". I'm already saying things like, "when I really get married I want to run away...have a destination wedding somewhere with only a select few people present, and I'll want a mermaid shaped dress to show off my figure instead of a ballgown like I wanted before." Um...hello!! I just got out of an engagement! I know I don't want to get married anytime soon, so why can't I stop picturing these things? I'm even picturing myself marrying my best friend now! I'm thinking "since he loves nature and canoeing so much and camping is special to us...we could have a wedding like Kevin Costner and get married in Aspen or Lake Tahoe where there's mountains and lakes...it would be so perfect and beautiful." I was even trying to feel him out a little when we were watching the Oscars and listen to which dresses he thought were hot so that I would know what style of wedding dress he'd like. I've already shown him the pics of me in the wedding dress I was supposed to wear... he didn't have much reaction to it. Must not have liked the poofiness because the only dress he really liked on the Oscars was a mermaid dress that looked like it had fishscales on it...guys have the weirdest taste in clothes!

So, am I crazy? I feel like there's something wrong with me... why do I do this? What's even crazier is that we were laying on his chaise lounge with me laying back between his legs and he was rubbing my stomach... it made me picture us exactly like that only I was pregnant! So weird... why do I do that? Do all girls do that...picture their whole future with a guy when they first start dating them? I know I've done it before too with every other guy I've dated. That's probably why I end up in relationships so quickly and they turn into long term serious ones only to end up being the wrong guy. That's something I'd really like to avoid from here on out!

Quality Time

We had the most amazing sex this weekend! I mean, it really is amazing every time but we had a lot of it this weekend just because we could. No one was home at his house all weekend and I am finally single and could stay out as long as I wanted. So, we had a little slumber party Saturday night--just the two of us. We broke his bed frame! LOL... We had to put the mattress on the floor and it really made it feel like the days when I had friends sleep over when I was younger and we'd put the mattress in the living room so we could watch movies until we fell asleep. Then I helped him make breakfast in the morning; we just chilled the rest of the day, then watched the Oscars in the evening and critiqued fashion and speeches. It was so nice, and I didn't drink or do any other substances all weekend. I have such a great time with him even when we're just chillin at home doing nothing. I love it! He does too. He told me several times this weekend how much he enjoys spending time with me. Its so funny too because we have so much in common and we think alike too. We even say things at the same time. Its kind of weird, but cool.

Spacing Out

God, I'm a slacker... I barely have any work to do these days at my job. So instead of doing the few things that need to get done, I sit and surf the net all day... I was supposed to place a supply order like a week ago but I just dick around all day. Wtf... I think I'm just burnt out from all the bullshit I've been going through. I need a vacation.