Its only been 2 days since he supposedly left. I drove by his house yesterday just to see if his truck was still there. As if I thought he was faking it and just ignoring everyone's calls all day. But the driveway was empty. Then I found out he had been there only 2 hours before. He actually left a day later than intended and he'll be coming back today and then leaving again for good in 2 more days. I think I'm kind of depressed. I've been sort of mopey the last couple days. At first I thought it was because he wasn't going to be around anymore. So, I was like, "I'm sad. My friend moved away." But now I think it might be because I feel stupid. I mean, what is my big issue? Do I think that we're really in love and if he was here we could be together? No... I'm getting married. He is pretty much best friends with both me and my fiance. He's not going to do that to his boy. Besides, if he was in love with me he would've made it known a long time ago like when I was actually single and he & I were sort of seeing each other. That was probably the best chance he had to tell me if he wanted to be with me and he didn't say it then. In fact, all either of us could say then was, "We could never date. It would just be too weird." (oh...but we could spend every day together, go out in public together, and sleep together.) To be honest, right now I feel like he is the only one who can make me completely happy. Which is probably why this whole thing is driving me so crazy. But the thing is.. I sit here analyzing things all day. Why does he look me straight in the eyes and tell me he loves me all the time? How come when we were out on Saturday and I finally met the girl he's been seeing, he was with me in another room saying, "Do you know how much I love you? Its driving me crazy because I have to hide it since she's here." Why, if he doesn't feel the same way, was he sitting there across from me last weekend with his head in his hands as if he was trying to figure something out before crawling into bed with me? What was he thinking? Was it just a question of whether or not he could resist my charms? Or was it what I'd like to believe..."why am I so in love with her?" ....this is driving me insane!!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
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