The Ex Factor

I guess I’m a little late on this one…I recently discovered the eye candy that is Jesse Metcalfe. Apparently he stars on the show Desperate Housewives, but I never watch that show so I hadn’t noticed him until now when he made a guest appearance on LA Ink, looking especially sexy and scruffy at the same time. I couldn’t believe how amazingly attractive I thought this guy was, I was practically drooling! Normally, if you ask me to tell you who I think is the hottest actor or celebrity I draw a blank. I think of Brad Pitt first because that's what everyone thinks, but I don’t really think he’s all that. But this Jesse Metcalf has my attention for sure!

Now comes the weird part…I realized that he looks identical to my ex-boyfriend. The one that I thought was “the one” before I started dating my now fiancé. Maybe it’s just this episode that brings out the similarities… the rugged look with black hat and long eyelashes. I know the other pictures I found of him don’t really look like my ex—they’re too clean cut. But ever since I saw the commercial for the Jesse episode of LA Ink I have been having dreams about my ex! No, they’re not dirty dreams!! But we are definitely “a couple” in them and there is the occasional “hook-up”. Anyways, it got me thinking. My ex was hot! It pisses me off that he messed up his life and ruined our relationship of 4 years. Then again he wasn’t that hot after our first year or 2 together because of all the drugs he did—-we won’t get into that. After we broke up (because I got smart and realized I didn’t want to be a part of that mess) our friends would always tell me, “so I saw him the other day… he still loves you. He’s always going to be in love with you.” That stuck with me forever!


Its awkward when I see him or hang out with him now. At first it wasn’t because we stayed friends for a while and it just felt like we were friends hanging out. But now things are so different. We both have totally different lives. He’s straightened himself out, as far as I know, and has a smokin hot girlfriend who I'm jealous of. But I still get those thoughts in my head every time I see him or think about him… does he still love me? Do I still love him? I know I’ll always hold a special place in my heart for him and the amazing relationship we had (as rocky as it was). For some reason I just want him to look into my eyes one more time and say he loves me. I don’t know what satisfaction I’d get out of it. But something inside me wants to have that moment… I guess I’ll have to put up with the dreams of him now because I’ll never get that moment. Wherever life takes us, I guess there’s always that bit of memory we’ll always hold onto from our past. It's creepy and annoying, yet comforting too.