Screaming Infidelities

What a ride I'm on.... this crazy messed up friendship-lovespell thing I'm in... I left the house at 10:30pm Friday night to go to the bar and sit by myself... just so I could be sure I wouldn't miss my chance to meet up with him after he drove 4 and 1/2 hours back home from the city he was supposed to have moved to by now. My heart beats so fast just thinking about it.

Then last night I stayed out late drinking with him again and went back to his house... where we layed together and talked--sort of--and in the midst of it the "I love you"s somehow turned into "I'm IN love with you". Now I'm not sure if he was just really drunk and didn't mean to say that or if he really meant it. But of course, I'd been waiting for those words to come out of his mouth because I've been holding back so much. Immediately, I asked him to repeat it and he wouldn't at first. Then he must have because I couldn't hold back anymore and I repeated it back to him.
So...here we are, like a couple of school kids, staying out late and staying up into the morning making out and confessing our love for each other. Oh wow, that sounds so ridiculous when I actually say it out loud... am I really doing that?

Meanwhile...I'm getting in "trouble" all the time with my fiance. He's always mad because I go out to the bars, stay out late, and sleep over at people's houses. He knows where I am every time. I keep him updated, and I stay over at people's houses so I don't drive drunk. But he still yells at me and texts me to come home. I suppose I can't completely get away with what I'm doing. But as long as its the little things he's getting mad about and he doesn't actually find out about the infidelities... I guess I can handle that. ...wow. I'm a terrible person.