18 months after my daughter's birth, I've finally broke down and decided to get some help. I kept thinking I was ok, that I could handle this on my own, that my mood swings were just normal female behavior that I needed to learn to cope better with. But that's not entirely true.I'm depressed, tired, full of anxiety, bored, and just plain sick of it all. I have no patience for anything. When BF calls me from work I'm annoyed and short with him. We have no sex life whatsoever and I can't stand to hear him joke about it anymore. The whining sounds DD makes grind at me right away. It's all piling up and I can do nothing but stare off into space with my mind racing. I often have trouble sleeping, lying awake until 2 or 3 in the morning.
So, I spoke with a postpartum counselor yesterday. She stopped into my room in L&D right after I had the baby to talk to me about my high risk and give me her card. I'm glad I kept it. We met for an hour and she gave me some insight on what might help me as well as some referrals to a therapist and a psychiatrist who take my insurance, since we're now on Public Aid. I'm hoping to get back on Wellbutrin as it seemed to be the miracle worker for me before I got pregnant. I know this won't be an instant transformation, but taking these first steps makes me feel a little better for the moment. At least I can believe there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
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