Took DD to the Dr. yesterday for her 18 month checkup. They loaded her up with vaccines because I always seem to miss an appointment here and there so she needed to catch up. They also informed me that her right ear looks infected. I had no clue anything was wrong with her, but once they mentioned it I did recall her rubbing her finger in her ear a few times. I had thought it was just because she was tired. Something inside me questioned whether this downward spiral I've been in has got me so distracted that I wasn't able to notice her cues. Maybe all the whining she's done lately that I hear as a nagging, annoying noise she won't stop doing was really a cry of discomfort. It's these questions that leave me doubting the job I do as a mother. Today I spent all day snuggling, cuddling, and paying as much attention as I could to her, trying to ease her discomfort from the ear ache and very sore, stiff legs after getting the shots. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't have any other worries than loving my babygirl today that made me feel a little better. I seem to be much less anxious. Just calm, easy going, and not dwelling on being depressed.
Perhaps it was the visit with my Mom last night. After the Dr. we made the long drive to Grandma's house to escape having dinner with BF's mom at home while he was working late. I had a lot to get off my chest and it was good to cry and talk with my Mom. She also worked on my back--it's been really tight and sore lately--which may have had a therapeutic effect on me.
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