When it hurts so bad

I'm so lost right now. I've run through so many emotions in the past few hours that I am just exhausted. I was depressed all day and then finally decided to get out of the house to go get a Big Mac and Oberweis. It seems all I can do to fight my anxiety and depression this week is eat those 2 things. I had them 3 times this week! It's ridiculous. And now they have large size shakes at Oberweiss so that makes it even worse. I'm going to be 200 lbs before I'm able to get out of this slump. I'm alone all day long with no one to interact with except a MIL who makes me completely insane. All day I'm trying to conjure up the energy and patience to deal with my 18 month old and try to somehow wean her off of nursing because it is killing me. Then BF works late and comes home for 5 minutes only to leave to go hang out with the neighbors. I mean, I can't completely blame him for that because we had sort of planned to go there together tonight and bring DD with us. But when I told him I was having such a bad day I kind of hoped he'd stay home with me. Especially after I said I didn't want to go, then I said I would, then got anxiety so bad that I started crying. He said he felt guilty and asked me if he should stay home but really, what's the point? Nothing he says makes me feel better. It just makes me feel more alone. He told me once when we first started dating, while I was feeling really depressed from my engagement, "you'll never have to feel alone again when you're with me". Well, he was more wrong than ever. At least back then I had him as my best friend to comfort me. Now I can't talk to him at all and I don't want him near me because I'm so touched out from nursing that I can't stand to have anyone touch me at all. I feel like everything is just driving me deeper and deeper into a downward spiral. It hurts so bad.