Friday, June 29, 2007

Hitting Rock Bottom, with a side of fries.

I'm so disgusted with myself today. I just finished 2 double cheeseburgers with Big Mac sauce on them, only an hour earlier I had some sort of mango specialty bagel with Maple Walnut cream cheese. I've eaten leftover nacho dip and green bean casserole for lunch every day this week and sweets for breakfast. I don't even know what I've been eating for dinner. I am officially addicted to food. Is there such a thing as food addiction? Well, that's what it seems like. Its as if every time I try to begin a healthy way of eating, I "relapse" and then its all over. I just get out of control and start eating anything I feel like eating. I'm never going to be able to lose any weight at this rate, not to mention the fact that heart disease and diabetes run in my family and my mom is now very close to aquiring both which means I'm a shoe-in. Its sickening. I've got to stop myself before I keel over by the time I hit 30! My goal this weekend is to start (REstart) a healthy eating and walking regimen. Hopefully, I can get myself hooked on it and out of this junk food trap.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

I Need a Sponsor

Seriously, I need someone who sees my talent and potential and is willing to donate money to help me succeed. There are so many projects I could be working on in an effort to build a career. But I constantly run into obstacles. If only I wasn't deeply in debt from my first venture into Fashion Design school, I could get a new loan and finish my schooling to get a degree. The funny thing is though, they never teach you exactly what you need to know in college. I almost wish I could design a program myself that would teach me the skills needed to succeed in a computer based fashion world. So, I would need graphic design, fashion design, illustration, marketing and advertising just to start. I'd probably have to go back to school full time! Who has the money to do that? That's part of the reason I quit the first time.

Aside from my incomplete education, I have this old school PC that I've packed to the brim with information. I can't even hook up a printer or scanner to it because I am out of disk space! I dream of the day--Ha! when am I not day-dreaming of something?--when I can buy a loaded 17" MAC Powerbook with all the design programs I could need and even some graphic tools like a digital tablet. I feel so handicapped by my current situation. I just want to jump into doing what I love!