I'm Going Crazy Because...

I feel like I can't sit still without getting depressed or anxious...sometimes to the point where my body aches. I've been trying to cope by writing out nightly schedules for the next day and weekly menus for dinner. It helps me to stay focused and keep busy so that I don't have a lot of downtime. It can be hard when I have no idea what to do next and my mind just floods with thoughts of all the things that are bothering me. I can't stand my roommate (a.k.a "Mother in Law"): the way she lives her life, the things she does, the sound of her voice all get under my skin. I can't talk to any of the people I'd usually talk to because I have issues with all of them right now (all 3 that is). I can't talk to my BF because most of my problem is with his mom so he doesn't want to hear it. My SIL is going through a quarter life crisis, so I feel bad calling with my own issues and I want to help but I don't know what to say or do for her and my own anxiety is making her personality a little annoying right now. My mom is pissed at me because I said we were going on an outing near her house Sunday and invited her along but then we changed our minds and went somewhere else without telling her until the last minute, so now I'm afraid to talk to her. She's been FBing me and texting me with "I miss you", "I miss my girls", "I want to see my kids"....for weeks now and I haven't done anything about it. But she works and goes to school 6 days a week and lives 45 minutes away, so it's not like I can just pop on over for a short visit. I feel like it's not my fault that she fills her time up with work and school and lives so far, so she can't get mad at me for not seeing us. I'm just sick of everyone wanting me to bring the baby here or there to visit with them. Sometimes I just want to move away where no one can guilt trip me about not visiting. If they want to visit, they can come to us. Besides, I had mixed feelings about my last visit with my mom because she spent the whole time oggling the baby and I felt neglected because I could barely have a conversation the way I used to have with her. I feel like now that the baby's a little older I should just drop her off at people's houses and go do something else because no one wants to see me anymore anyway. They just want to spend time with her.

Now, as for the roommate/MIL issue. We're both home all day long because I don't work and she works evenings. I can't even be in the same room with her without wanting to punch something. I try to get up and out of the house for the day before she wakes up, so I don't have to see her because she just drives me insane. She's 47 years old, parties all night and sleeps till noon, then gets up all bitchy and wants to complain about the night she had or the customers not tipping, or her STUPID FUCKING VOLLEYBALL. The woman is obsessed...I mean OBSESSED with her volleyball league. She's not only a player, but she "runs" the season...you would think that this year when she found out the company had hired professionals to run it and that she wasn't getting paid, that she would've just dropped it. Oh no....she implanted herself so far into it that they ended up firing the professionals and agreeing to pay her and another team mate to coordinate the rest of the season. My guess is they probably just wanted to get her off their backs. She cannot speak without complaining about something, she spends most of her day doing volleyball bullshit while trying to accomplish other household tasks and running errands, but she is incapable of multi-tasking. Every single day she says she's going to pool and then she never gets there because her days go a little like this...She'll fill the sink with dishes, then go outside to water the garden, come back in and do half the dishes, then go back to making phone calls. She'll start making breakfast (at 2:00pm), remember she has to get to the bank before their deposit cutoff, leave the eggs half cooked on the stove and run out the door to get to the bank, get sidetracked going to Walgreens and get back just in time to finish breakfast (4:00pm), more volleyballs calls, take a shower and leave for work....dirty pans on the stove, milk left out, never finishing the dishes. When she does finish the dishes, half the time I have to rewash them because they're all covered in grease from being left soaking in cold water all day and then quickly rinsed to get it done before she has to go. Then today she says to me "tell me again why you wash dishes that can go in the dishwasher, because I've read it uses less water to run the dishwasher than to actually wash them." So, I said, "because I'm already washing dishes to begin with and the dishwasher was full." How the hell can she ask me why I wash dishes if she's the crazy person who insists that not everything can go in the dishwasher? There's a pots and pans button on the machine for a reason!! And you wonder why I throw a couple plates and glasses in the sink with my load of dishes that you say can't go in the dishwasher?? What fucking planet are you from?!!

Another thing is, she has apparently stopped buying groceries...at least groceries for the whole house. She'll go to the store and get her personal items and mention that she was craving fruit or a green vegetable, but did she remember to get a gallon of milk? No. She bought beer, English muffins, eggs, 1 orange, and ONE banana. ONE! The baby eats a banana almost every morning and BF takes one to work a lot, so when he called her out on it and said, "Who buys 1 banana?" She says, "well I didn't have any money and I needed some fruit." What about all the fruit I buy for the house that she is welcome to eat any time? What about the 2 gallons of milk I buy every week that we always seem to run out of? I understand you're a waitress and your income depends on how well business is going and business hasn't been good, so you're broke. But I'm unemployed and on food stamps, so who are you to bitch? I haven't even told her about the food stamps because I feel like she'll figure "well, you've got government money. You go ahead and buy ALL the groceries." Even though I feel like that's already what's happening. And what about the meals I make 4 times a week and the leftovers you hardly ever eat? Honestly, I'm a little insulted that she never eats what I cook. I'm not a bad cook. I'm actually getting pretty good with all this practice. Any time she's cooked in the past I always eat it, no matter if it's something I think I'll like or not. She actually turned me onto fish which I would never eat before. But when I made fish and offered her some she made a face and asked, "is it fishy?" and when BF cooks something he knows she likes and we offer to make enough for her to join us, she'll turn up her nose and ask, "What's the vegetable?" Then she'll run out and buy a fresh veggie, cook it, and eat it with the leftovers that night but not sit down and eat with us.

OH...and don't get me started on anything she does involving my daughter. Ok, so here goes... she knows we have no space in this house yet she randomly buys things from garage sales that we can't even use yet because their too old for the baby. She and I both buy books at garage sales and then she just decides about the ones I bought that "she's not ready for those yet. They're too wordy" and puts them away in another room without even telling me until I ask her what happened to them. She doesn't hold back in telling her "Grandma's hangin" when she's hungover from the night before, or "Grandma's buzzed" when her friends drop her off early from a night of drinking. Excuse me, but my 15 month old daughter does not need to hear that bullshit--EVER. She constantly asks the baby if she wants to go swimming or wants to do this or that, then says, "Grandma wants to take you" or "Grandma's going to take you" but then never delivers. She said to me the other day, "I promised myself I'd go to the pool for my birthday because it's my birthday and I need to do what I want. Volleyball can wait. So, I don't know what you guys are doing that day but maybe you'd like to go over to the pool for a little while. I'd love to see the baby swim." I've offered several times for her to take the baby swimming without me, but she's never asked me to do that. I guess she didn't want the responsibility of taking her swimming herself. So, I figured that it's her birthday so I should try to make it happen. I asked her ahead of time if she knew when she might want to go to the pool. She said, "well it won't be first thing in the morning because I plan to stay out for my birthday the night before." So, I sat around all day waiting for her to get her drunk ass out of bed and by the time she did and I came up with a plan to get my errands done while still fitting in her pool time, it was 3:30pm and she says to me, "Oh, I'm not going. There's no time, I gotta go to work."

Thanks, bitch. Thanks for making my life miserable.