The First 2 Hours

This is a constant struggle. Up until 10:00am I'm good to go. I've had my coffee, I'm focused and organized. I'm getting stuff done at work. During that time I feel like its ok. I can handle it. So, I think to myself, "Should I just stick it out another year or so at this job? Can I handle another year or so? If I do, I'll probably get a nice monetary gift from the company for my wedding next year..." But I can't put myself through misery for an entire year while also stressing out about the wedding planning just so I'll get a fat check from the company. That's ridiculous. But this company is ridiculous, so it would actually make some sense in that aspect.

Too Young to Feel this Damn Old!

I'm cold.
I hate work.
I hate people.
I'm tired contantly.
I'm depressed most of the time.
I don't do anything but mess around on the computer all day.

When did I get so old?

Dead End Jobs & Big Fat Budget Woes

As if I couldn't get enough stress right now... the last week or so has been insane trying to find a place to have our wedding that will be even remotely affordable. I wanted some place special, somewhere different from the usual European style Midwest banquet hall wedding--a castle, a small mansion, a restaurant with a view--some place that would stand out from the rest. But it turns out that we just aren't able to afford anything different. So much for my dreams and desires of having classy touches of high society into our day. No matter how hard I wish for it, I just can't escape the fact that I don't come from money, I don't have money, and at the rate I'm going... I won't ever be anything other than average.

Then today I stayed home from work. Why? Because I couldn't get my fat ass into any of my work pants!! Every time I've said I'm going to diet in the past 6 months I've cheated and blew the diet within the 1st 2 days. But, I don't get it. I weighed myself today and I'm at least 4 lbs less than my normal weight. How is it that I can't button my pants? So, staying home from work, I hoped I would be able to relax a little and be refreshed to go back to my job tomorrow, since I've been overworked and stressed out there as well. Instead, I spent the whole day looking for a new job and thinking about how much I hate my current one. I have no experience for any of the jobs I'm interested in applying to, and any time I read a job for an administrative position I cringe at the list of expectations and think, "No! I don't want to do this bullshit anymore!!" So, I constantly get stuck in the same predicament: hate my dead end job but can't do anything about it.

And on top of all that, my fiance comes home to see me here and the first thing he says is, "You could've at least cleaned the house if you're gonna stay home." Then after I do the dishes, a load of laundry, and try to straighten up the living room he says, "you didn't do shit. It looks the same as it did when I got home." Well, excuse me if I don't feel like vaccuming while you're watching TV. Why do you think I usually leave the cleaning up to him? Because he's a pain in the ass about it and he likes to do it his way.

This is just the kind of stress I need, you know? Everything piled on top of each other. I might as well just put some whip cream on my fat ass, top it with a cherry, and call it a day.

What is this?

I googled my blog name to see how easily someone could find it. Surprisingly it did come up, but in this site called technorati. I'm not quite sure I understand that site. They're saying I should claim my blog so I can make a profile? But I can do that here on Blogger. Why would I need to do it elsewhere? Is someone else going to claim it as their own if I don't? That wouldn't be right. Someone else trying to claim my life?!

Aches N Pains

I've always had these aches and pains whenever I got too tired. When I was little I'd be at a sleepover and I'd get sick to my stomach, a headache or earache, my back starts to get tired and achy... one time I had to have my mom come pick me up in the middle of the night because I thought I was sick. It turned out I was just too tired and should've been in bed instead of up eating popcorn and watching the Aerosmith video for Janie's Got A Gun.

So, for the last couple weeks I've been stressed out at work and staying up too late at night. About 3:00pm every day I get achy and headachy and tired. My shoulders start to cramp up and I lose focus. Its really uncomfortable and distracting. I wish I could just go home instead of sticking around here dealing with the pain. I tried taking some Ibuprofen one day but it didn't help at all. Maybe if I didn't waste time blogging all day I'd be done with my work quicker and really could go home. Then again.. my work is never done here and it probably wouldn't look so good if I was going home all the time.

Grr...it makes me feel like I need a cheesburger and milkshake. Not good when I'm only on day 2 of dieting. I need to get more sleep.