Egg Salad and Anxiety

I'm into egg salad lately... its weird, for some reason I equate egg salad with pregnant women. When I was working at my last job, several years ago, one of the girls there would eat egg salad on a bagel for breakfast. I'd watch her walk past me every morning and after a while I got suspicious. I thought, "who in the world eats that for breakfast? Especially every day! Sounds like a pregnant craving to me..." Then a light bulb went off... "I bet she is!" So, lo and behold, I've been eating that very same breakfast, but on whole grain bread instead.

Its been 4 days since I found out and already I'm anxious to tell people, anxious to go to my first OB exam, anxious to find out all the things I'll need to know. But, in the back of my head I'm thinking "don't get ahead of yourself!! You don't know anything for sure. What if the doctor says it was a false alarm? (doubtful!) What if I have complications and it doesn't even last to the third month to the point where I can tell people. What if I jump into everything and it only jinxes me?" I guess that's all part of the anxiety, too, though.

BF is so wonderful... he started his new job this week (finally employed after SO long), and he said all he thinks about is me and the good thing he's doing for us by taking this job. I feel so bad for him though. Its a warehouse job and it is insanely physically demanding. I was shocked when I finally got a chance to see him this morning. He is literally covered in dirt and cuts, scrapes, & bruises from head to toe! He has to climb up and down pallets of inventory all day pulling orders, then throwing them to the other guys, or he'll be on the other end catching cases of glass bottles being thrown at him from above. And that's only the beginning of it! He told me, "its slave labor!" ...but its a Union job, so the pay is outstanding and they have excellent benefits. I only hope that he won't get stuck in this job because of our situation. He has so many hopes and dreams for himself. I'd hate to see them all shot down because we didn't have a chance to plan ahead.

....I think we'll be ok.

What if Plan B Doesn't Work?

For some reason I haven’t been blogging too much lately. I started an entry not too long ago but lost my train of thought and gave up. I saved it to draft, then read it again about 10 minutes ago and decided to publish it now. I’m sure it has everything to do with the fact that I no longer have my own computer with internet access at home, and my increased busy workdays have left little time for my usual internet antics…not to mention the depression and fatigue I’ve been dealing with for weeks. On top of that, I’ve been sort of sick to my stomach, my ta-tas are ginormous, and I feel bloated like I have to poop all the time… Wait. Let me back track for a minute.

19 days ago BF and I had an evening where we were doing the most simple, common activities but for some reason we were insanely in tune with each other. We were helping a friend plan & promote a huge party. I had been solicited to design the flyers and BF had come to my work after hours to proof them. We stayed at the office for 4 hours that night until 9:00pm, but worked so beautifully together that it made me lightheaded afterwards. I couldn’t believe how well we were able to communicate and work together toward a goal. It felt so good to accomplish something with such a perfect partner! I stayed at his house that night because its considerably closer to my work than home is and I’d get more sleep that way…or so I thought. I can’t even describe what happened later except to say that it was surprising, but I wasn’t at all worried. I was happy to be with him, to experience a first with him, and that’s all that mattered. The next day I went to the Pharmacy bought Plan B and took it as directed, and figuring that everything would be normal.

Now…given the previously mentioned factors, it became obvious once my 26-28 day period due date came…and passed, that everything may not be normal after all. I took 2 tests; both came up with double pink lines. It was more than obvious that the “nausea, abdominal pain, fatigue, headache, changes in your period, dizziness, and breast tenderness” which had all been listed word for word as side effects of Plan B, could instead be more than I’d expected. So… it looks like I’m... we’re in for some surprises over the next 9 months. I heard that you should do that because miscarriage is so common, that you don’t want to be telling everyone and then have to tell them all the bad news as well. So, we’ve agreed to wait 3 months before telling anyone…just to be sure.

So Much to Say, So Much to Say...

I have way to many things to post about so these thoughts are going to be very disorganized... BFs DUI case went great, no suspension. Then he got a new job (different from the original one he was celebrating) which is right down the street from my work. Awesomeness! He's going to have money again. My promotion at work sucks. I hate it a lot. I'm busy all the time and have no time for anything anymore. Since I moved, I spend most of my time driving (an hour to work) and on the weekends I stay at BFs house because we miss each other so much during the week. I've even spent some weekdays at his house because its closer to my work than my new one. He is amazing by the way. I'm so happy with him.