Re-Entering the Real World

I did it! I made it through my first post-pregnancy social event. I had a bridal shower to go to and it was the first time I've left Baby alone with anyone for more than an hour. I started having anxiety last night while thinking about the things I had to do to get ready and leave the house for the shower. And after freaking out the last time I was supposed to have plans to go somewhere, I thought for sure I was going to back out at the last minute. This morning when I woke up I started doing what I had to do, I ran into a poop detour, but once I set my mind to get in the shower and get ready I was ok. I'm so happy that I did it. It sounds so dumb, but it was an obstacle. I was really starting to think that I'd become institutionalized by being at home with Baby all the time...like I couldn't function in the real world, having to be in a certain place at a certain time. Now I feel much better about it though.

Another thing is that its hard to leave your baby for the first time, especially after you've been with her 24-7 for the past 7 weeks. I'm sure any mother would agree with that. I wasn't even leaving her with a baby sitter. It was with her own Dad! But even that was hard. He's never been alone with her for more than 45 minutes. I was afraid she'd cry and he wouldn't know what to do and that can be so frustrating and tiring. Not only that but it was also her first time drinking from a bottle. I've been breastfeeding exclusively this whole time. Its important to me that she only drinks breastmilk so I had to pump, and that was a first as well. (And an experience I am not fond of at all!) Yesterday was the only chance I had to try pumping and I didn't even have a chance to try feeding her the bottle. We were just hoping she would take it today. Luckily she had no problem with it. We were pretty confident about that one though. We figured once she started sucking and realized there was milk coming out, she wouldn't refuse. She's such a good baby. We're really lucky.

Baby Hogging

I feel like I'm being burdened by both sides of this situation. On the one hand, I'm frustrated that I have no freedom anymore. Everything I do is such a drawn out process and has to be planned well in advance and around baby's eating schedules. I can't just run out to the store. I have to make sure its after she's fed but not too close to when she'll eat again so that she doesn't get upset while I'm out with her. Or I have to make sure I let Daddy know that I need to go out so he can take her right after I feed her and I can leave right away. And if I say I want to go to the store he has to ask me where and why. I can't just go to the store because I want to buy something? You have to decide if its something I need to get right now first? Maybe I just want a break or an escape.

Then on the other hand, it's nice that everyone wants to be part of the baby's life. But now that she's here we get so many visitors that we can't have a single weekend to ourselves. You would think that being with her 24-7 during the week would make me want people to come over and take her for a while so I could just be here with Daddy and not have to worry about her because I know she's just in the other room in good hands. But it doesn't. It just makes me tired and frustrated because nobody knows her cues like I do, so she cries so much more when other people are around. Nobody bothers to check her diaper, they think she just has gas or wants to be rocked. NO, what she wants is a clean diaper and to be put down for a while so she can have some time to herself to chill. Yes, I hold her all the time but she doesn't want to be held every second. From my point of view, it seems like she gets sick of other people and just wants to get back to her time with Mommy. My family seems to think that they are all going to have some huge part in raising her. They're always saying stuff about how they plan to influence her and it just makes me so mad. They can raise their own kids when they have them. I just want to be like, "Everyone leave us the hell alone! She's my baby and I don't want to share her!!"