In no apparent order...
Draw more.
Get crafty.
Bake.
Get a graphic design degree.
Get a more satisfying job.
Exercise.
Save money.
Pay off debts.
Find a mentor.
Move to the big city.
Road trip through California.
Lay on the beach for a week.
Go to Spain.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
Effing Murphy's Law!
It figures that the day BF has 2 fantastic interviews followed by almost immediate confirmation that he got the job, would be the day that something bad happens.
BF called me in the best mood yesterday to tell me about his interviews, and then to tell me that he recieved compliments from someone saying "You 2 are so good for each other. She's so hot! You look cute together.", then later to tell me that he got the job from the 1st interview. In his excitement he professed to me, "I finally feel like I deserve to have someone as beautiful and amazing as you and I don't have to worry that I'll lose you to someone who has more to offer, because now I'll be able to provide for you and give you all the things you deserve." Ok, I know you might want to punch me in the face right now for all that. But I swear I'm not making it up! He's really that much of a sweetheart! *sigh* But don't forget...Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just because he says it, doesn't mean anything. I'm far from Scarlett Johansson or Jessica Alba...or even Britney Spears these days, in my opinion. I digress. Getting back to the subject, BF finally got a job and now the picture is complete. He is damn near perfect to me. I'm the happiest girl in the world!
Until...I saw a missed call from him on my phone this morning. It came in around
3:30am, but I hadn't heard from him yet while I was getting ready for work like I expected to since he had to go into the job today to finish up some paperwork. Then about 11:30am I get a call from him. Very hesitantly he explained to me that he was arrested last night after a few celebratory drinks at the bar with one of our friends and was charged with a DUI.
My heart dropped. I was so shocked that I didn't know how to respond or what to say. Not another boyfriend with a DUI...what the hell is wrong with me that I keep running into this problem? Is it my fault for having poor judgement? I am so smitten by him and he amazes me every day--as much as I resist admitting it, I feel like he could really be the one--and now I am thrown back into the same situation I was in with my ex-fiance? I don't know what to do.
Should I leave him? Should I just give up and really be single for once? But how would I do that? How could I just throw away a 10 year friendship over something like that? Its understandable that as a girlfriend I have the option of calling it quits on account of tough love. But he makes up too much of my life to just cease all contact. I can't imagine being without him. I'm heartbroken that this happened. I'm going to have to take some time to think about what's the best thing for me to do in this situation and if I have to make difficult decisions, then so be it.
BF called me in the best mood yesterday to tell me about his interviews, and then to tell me that he recieved compliments from someone saying "You 2 are so good for each other. She's so hot! You look cute together.", then later to tell me that he got the job from the 1st interview. In his excitement he professed to me, "I finally feel like I deserve to have someone as beautiful and amazing as you and I don't have to worry that I'll lose you to someone who has more to offer, because now I'll be able to provide for you and give you all the things you deserve." Ok, I know you might want to punch me in the face right now for all that. But I swear I'm not making it up! He's really that much of a sweetheart! *sigh* But don't forget...Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just because he says it, doesn't mean anything. I'm far from Scarlett Johansson or Jessica Alba...or even Britney Spears these days, in my opinion. I digress. Getting back to the subject, BF finally got a job and now the picture is complete. He is damn near perfect to me. I'm the happiest girl in the world!Until...I saw a missed call from him on my phone this morning. It came in around
3:30am, but I hadn't heard from him yet while I was getting ready for work like I expected to since he had to go into the job today to finish up some paperwork. Then about 11:30am I get a call from him. Very hesitantly he explained to me that he was arrested last night after a few celebratory drinks at the bar with one of our friends and was charged with a DUI.My heart dropped. I was so shocked that I didn't know how to respond or what to say. Not another boyfriend with a DUI...what the hell is wrong with me that I keep running into this problem? Is it my fault for having poor judgement? I am so smitten by him and he amazes me every day--as much as I resist admitting it, I feel like he could really be the one--and now I am thrown back into the same situation I was in with my ex-fiance? I don't know what to do.
Should I leave him? Should I just give up and really be single for once? But how would I do that? How could I just throw away a 10 year friendship over something like that? Its understandable that as a girlfriend I have the option of calling it quits on account of tough love. But he makes up too much of my life to just cease all contact. I can't imagine being without him. I'm heartbroken that this happened. I'm going to have to take some time to think about what's the best thing for me to do in this situation and if I have to make difficult decisions, then so be it.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
The One
Yesterday BF picked me up from work and took me out to lunch. It was so nice. I haven't seen him since Sunday--only 3 days--and we missed each other so much. I felt weird because after we ate, I sat on the same side of the booth as him and we played kissy face until he'd payed the bill and we had to leave. The waitress kept coming over saying, "sorry... I don't want to interupt." and BF told her we don't get to see each other that often. Haha. I thought to myself, "We're those assholes that everyone stares and makes puking noises at and says get a room!" But, oh well, screw em! We can't get enough of each other and that's fine with me because I am totally smitten.We had been talking about a friend of ours who always says the girl he's dating is "the one". I was telling BF how this friend is talking about moving South and buying a house with the current "one" and we got on the subject of friends getting married. Then BF jokingly asked me, "So, when are you going to get married already?!" I laughed and answered "When I find the one." Then for the rest of the lunch he kept making comments about it, only half joking. He asked me, "oh, so I'm not the ONE? I'm just here to kill time until you find someone better? Its cool. I'm fine with that. I wouldn't marry you anyway." Then right away he says, "Well no, I probably would. I'd marry you tomorrow if I could. But I can't afford that yet."
So, anyway...he apologized later because he didn't want me to be freaked out by his talk of a long term relationship with me. But I assured him that I do think of those things. I think of them in pretty ridiculous ways (obviously, from previous posts in May & June), but I try to pretend that I don't because I don't want to get ahead of myself. I've tried and failed too many times and I just want this time to work out right. I'm head over heels in love right now, but I have to take it one day at a time.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Clicking My Heels 3 Times
Last night I was crying my eyes out wishing I was at home in my bed with everything in its place and my cats in their usual spots. Instead I was in this new space, not my own, where I'll have to stay for a while until I get my finances in order. I hate being here. I miss my apartment. I'm so far away from work, and friends, and most importantly BF. Sometimes being near him is the only thing that will make me happy and how am I supposed to do that if I'm so far away? Ironically, a few minutes after I began crying last night, BF called just to see how I was doing and if I'd arrived safely. I had thought I was in store for a fit of sobbing to let out the built up emotions, but hearing his voice instantly put a smile on my face.
In addition to being out of my element, I hadn't taken my meds in a few days on account of running out of my prescription. It really sucks when that happens because I get so sensitive and emotional. Any little comment or facial expression someone gives me comes as a threat to my ego. I start to feel like I have so many problems and everyone else has it all together. I just wish I could start over and get it right the 2nd time around.
In addition to being out of my element, I hadn't taken my meds in a few days on account of running out of my prescription. It really sucks when that happens because I get so sensitive and emotional. Any little comment or facial expression someone gives me comes as a threat to my ego. I start to feel like I have so many problems and everyone else has it all together. I just wish I could start over and get it right the 2nd time around.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Mom Likes Him
Well, this weekend my mom, step-monster, brother, and brother's girlfriend all "met" BF. Since we've been friends for so long my brother already knows him pretty well from hanging out over the years, and BF's met them all before. But mom and Brother's GF haven't actually spent any time with him to get any type of impression. We all had a casual dinner Saturday and talked amongst ourselves. I was so excited for it because I really wanted them to see how great he is right off the bat and they did! Within the first 10 minutes, brother's GF said the same exact thing I said the first time I met BF, "I like this guy!"
I'm not sure about my brother's opinion on him just yet because he's still skeptical of me dating someone already and of the fact that its another guy from the same group of friends. He jokingly said, "I hate him" and then laughed. But I said to him, "If you don't like him you have to tell me. That's important stuff! If you really didn't like him I'd want to know." So he said, "No I like him, I'll let you know if I don't. You don't have to worry." But I'm positive BF made a good impression on them. Mom told me the next day that she likes him a lot and I could even tell him that she does. She said, "he treats you very well and talks to you like a normal person." I'm not sure what that means exactly. Did ex-fiance talk to me like I was an alien or something? Well, I guess we did use weird voices when we talked to each other. It was like our own weird retarded language and we couldn't get out of the habit once we were in it. We had to remind each other "There are people around. Don't talk in the voice!" BF says that was the only thing ex & I had in common was that stupid little language we had. He's pretty right about that! All-in-all it was a pretty good meeting. In fact, I think the only bad impression made was the one BF got of the step-monster. I've tried not to bad mouth him to BF. I wanted him to form his own opinion. But after this weekend, there was just no contest. The man is a douche. That's all there is to it.
I'm not sure about my brother's opinion on him just yet because he's still skeptical of me dating someone already and of the fact that its another guy from the same group of friends. He jokingly said, "I hate him" and then laughed. But I said to him, "If you don't like him you have to tell me. That's important stuff! If you really didn't like him I'd want to know." So he said, "No I like him, I'll let you know if I don't. You don't have to worry." But I'm positive BF made a good impression on them. Mom told me the next day that she likes him a lot and I could even tell him that she does. She said, "he treats you very well and talks to you like a normal person." I'm not sure what that means exactly. Did ex-fiance talk to me like I was an alien or something? Well, I guess we did use weird voices when we talked to each other. It was like our own weird retarded language and we couldn't get out of the habit once we were in it. We had to remind each other "There are people around. Don't talk in the voice!" BF says that was the only thing ex & I had in common was that stupid little language we had. He's pretty right about that! All-in-all it was a pretty good meeting. In fact, I think the only bad impression made was the one BF got of the step-monster. I've tried not to bad mouth him to BF. I wanted him to form his own opinion. But after this weekend, there was just no contest. The man is a douche. That's all there is to it.
Poop
I hate pooping. Seriously! Guys always act like its a good time... like its a big relief for them. Maybe it is. But I really hate it. Its a pain in my ass--literally! Why can't everything come out in liquid form? It'd be a lot easier and cleaner. I know, this is probably the last thing anyone wants to hear about but its on my mind so TFB.
The End.
The End.
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